Nicholas

So, a few weeks ago, Tony and I went to observe a classroom in a nearby school district as an example of the ED class that will be starting in OUR district this fall. ED. That's, "Emotionally Disturbed" for those of you not down with the lingo.

Yes, we are considering sending Nicholas to a class for 'emotionally disturbed' children.

Stop. Deep breath. Exhale.

I don't know about you, but when I hear the words 'emotionally disturbed', I think of children who have been through unspeakable horrors. Child abuse. Witness to a mafia murder. Having every image of Christmas fantasy being ripped from their minds because they accidentally saw Bad Santa. I do not think of either of my sons. And the wild part is, I'm so not politically correct. I'm not about making sure the wording of something is neutral enough that no one will ever be offended. So why does this tag bug me so much? I don't know.

Anyway, the class we saw was pretty cool. And, hard as it is to admit, it's a fit for Nick, I think. His behavior is a big barrier to his success, despite his brilliant mind. Or maybe because of it? Hmm. I find myself weighing now the many sides of Nick's life and development, and trying to decide which is most important at this stage.

There's no question about Nick's intelligence. The kid is off the charts in some places. Others, he's right on target for his age. But the things they can't (or maybe don't) measure in school are the parts that amaze me. His intuition. His understanding of things that are just way beyond his age. His sensitivity. His savvy. I know he's a sponge who's going to soak up every bit of information that passes under his nose, whether or not he was seeking it. Which is why I have to be extra careful what crosses his path, because like it or not, he's gonna remember it, and remind you that he remembered it later. Often at the worst possible moment.

But then...there's Nick's emotional age. He's six. He has the heart of a six year old, and the maturity of a six year old...maybe younger sometimes. He knows what he's supposed to do, he knows what to expect, and what consequences may be in store for him if he doesn't do what he's expected to, and yet...it makes no difference. Same routines for some things for years...protest anyway. Loudly, often. His impulse control is zip. His temper is red-hot with a half-inch fuse. He knows when he has to do something but he lacks that little voice that says, "Okay, this sucks, but I know I have to do it, so I'm going to just do it, and get it over with." If something doesn't have real, practical application to Nick in his mind, he's of the mind, "Why the heck should I do it?"

Most of all, he wants to please the people in his life. He knows when he's doing wrong, sometimes even arguing with himself in the middle of it. "Okay, I wanna be good...no, I'm sorry, I wanna be good!...I'll be good!" It seems he literally cannot control what he's doing, saying or expression sometimes.

I hurt for him.

Thursday, he sees Chez again. Gonna talk about his meds, and try to nail down a solid diagnosis. In my heart I think most of his problems are a compounded effect from uber-intelligence and immaturity, but I'm no doc.

And in the fall, as it sits now, he'll be in a classroom with kids from K-5th grade (which is good, because he can work on higher grade levels) who are 'emotionally disturbed'. God, I hope he doesn't catch wind of that moniker.